Post by dreamrider on May 3, 2020 14:50:34 GMT -5
I know many of you may have already read this. But i though you could have a laugh at my expense
Everyone knows the worst part of a colonoscopy is the cleansing preparation required, right? ………WRONG!. Let me tell you about my experience some years ago.
I arrived at the surgery feeling like a washed out dish rag and dragged my drained body into the reception area. I was directed to a small cubical and told to strip everything off and put on the surgical gown provided. As I tried to put on the gown, I realized they had given me a child’s gown. Eventually an angel arrived to take me away; she gave me a beautiful radiant smile and said “you have it on the wrong way. The opening must face the back”. When I pointed out it was a child’s gown, she gave another radiant smile and said “it would be fine”. She politely waited outside while I re adjusted the gown, then lead me down a long corridor…a very long corridor as I was acutely aware of the tiny gown billowing out behind me doing little to cover my nether regions. Finally, the embarrassment was over and was led into the surgery.
Upon entering, the doctor never looked at me and growled a “lay on the table on your side with your back to the wall” He then proceeded to give my angel a hard time grumbling the whole time. I thought he must have been suffering from a hangover or perhaps had had his hand smacked last night, probably the later. As I climbed onto the table, I noticed a machine up against the wall with a long rubber tube coming out of it with a small bulb on the end.
He slapped some jelly on my “unmentionable” Then inserted the tube, my plea about being a virgin fell on deaf ears as he continued to push it further in. He then stopped (thank god I thought) but it was only so he could pump some air into the bulb to enlarge it to twice its size then continued to push it further up.
It was about this time that things really started to go wrong, barking an order at the angel, she ran to obey his lofty lordship, but in doing so her legs became entangled in the rubber tube. She desperately tried to extricate herself from the tangle but her momentum was too great and she went flying arse over t!t, head first onto the floor her momentum yanked so hard on the rubber tube that it came flying out of my arse , If you have seen a cork come out of a champagne bottle, well this bulb came out with twice the velocity and a hell of a lot more noise. The bulb flew across the room faster than one of Whacks arrows and crashed into the wall.
The angel picked herself up of the floor using language that would have had a dockyard worker blushing. The doctor, using the same sort of language threw himself across the room towards the bulb, screaming something about it being worth a fortune and if it was broken, he would be in serious trouble. Neither of them took the slightest bit of notice at my screams and howls intermingled with language that made both of them look like rank amateurs. Holly sh!t that hurt.
After order had been restored. The harridan “ex-angel” went about the business of tidying up, the doctor found his beloved camera was undamaged and started making another advance towards my very sore nether regions and looked like he was about to start the whole procedure all over again. "You got to be kidding" I yelled at him but undaunted he then proceeded to shove the bloody thing up my already injured and severally burning rectum.
After another agonizing fifteen minutes, he growled that I could go now. I felt myself walking out to my car with a wide legged waddle like a duck.
So much for being a virgin, I now felt like an over worked sex worker from the dockyards. Then it hit me. At no time did the x angel or the doctor offer an apology for what happened.
On reflection had that happened in the USA I would have sued their arse off and would now be sitting in clover
This is a true story and it really did happen.
Written by Dream Rider
Everyone knows the worst part of a colonoscopy is the cleansing preparation required, right? ………WRONG!. Let me tell you about my experience some years ago.
I arrived at the surgery feeling like a washed out dish rag and dragged my drained body into the reception area. I was directed to a small cubical and told to strip everything off and put on the surgical gown provided. As I tried to put on the gown, I realized they had given me a child’s gown. Eventually an angel arrived to take me away; she gave me a beautiful radiant smile and said “you have it on the wrong way. The opening must face the back”. When I pointed out it was a child’s gown, she gave another radiant smile and said “it would be fine”. She politely waited outside while I re adjusted the gown, then lead me down a long corridor…a very long corridor as I was acutely aware of the tiny gown billowing out behind me doing little to cover my nether regions. Finally, the embarrassment was over and was led into the surgery.
Upon entering, the doctor never looked at me and growled a “lay on the table on your side with your back to the wall” He then proceeded to give my angel a hard time grumbling the whole time. I thought he must have been suffering from a hangover or perhaps had had his hand smacked last night, probably the later. As I climbed onto the table, I noticed a machine up against the wall with a long rubber tube coming out of it with a small bulb on the end.
He slapped some jelly on my “unmentionable” Then inserted the tube, my plea about being a virgin fell on deaf ears as he continued to push it further in. He then stopped (thank god I thought) but it was only so he could pump some air into the bulb to enlarge it to twice its size then continued to push it further up.
It was about this time that things really started to go wrong, barking an order at the angel, she ran to obey his lofty lordship, but in doing so her legs became entangled in the rubber tube. She desperately tried to extricate herself from the tangle but her momentum was too great and she went flying arse over t!t, head first onto the floor her momentum yanked so hard on the rubber tube that it came flying out of my arse , If you have seen a cork come out of a champagne bottle, well this bulb came out with twice the velocity and a hell of a lot more noise. The bulb flew across the room faster than one of Whacks arrows and crashed into the wall.
The angel picked herself up of the floor using language that would have had a dockyard worker blushing. The doctor, using the same sort of language threw himself across the room towards the bulb, screaming something about it being worth a fortune and if it was broken, he would be in serious trouble. Neither of them took the slightest bit of notice at my screams and howls intermingled with language that made both of them look like rank amateurs. Holly sh!t that hurt.
After order had been restored. The harridan “ex-angel” went about the business of tidying up, the doctor found his beloved camera was undamaged and started making another advance towards my very sore nether regions and looked like he was about to start the whole procedure all over again. "You got to be kidding" I yelled at him but undaunted he then proceeded to shove the bloody thing up my already injured and severally burning rectum.
After another agonizing fifteen minutes, he growled that I could go now. I felt myself walking out to my car with a wide legged waddle like a duck.
So much for being a virgin, I now felt like an over worked sex worker from the dockyards. Then it hit me. At no time did the x angel or the doctor offer an apology for what happened.
On reflection had that happened in the USA I would have sued their arse off and would now be sitting in clover
This is a true story and it really did happen.
Written by Dream Rider
